Laser poops and Apathy.

I haven’t been posting at all as of late. I can honestly say that I’ve been pretty lazy. This tummy problem I have and a total lack of sleep may have contributed to that lackadaisical attitude of mine. But I’m not going to make excuses for myself.

I’M BACK BABY!!

my tummy still hurts but that’s probably going to be a permanent thing. Apparently if I eat greasy/fatty foods I will have laser poops and feel like I’m getting stabbed in the tum tums.

I mean really… Who the hell has EVER heard of that?! I’m sorry to be using such strong language but my soul is a bit crushed. Do you know what kind of food has grease and fat?… The kinds of food that I enjoy. I mean wtf? really! pfft. psshht. mmmmgaaaahhhh. ok if I think about it anymore my head and taste buds are going to fail me.

I guess this is what happens after 10 years of a diet that is primarily coffee and cigarettes.

This leads me to my other problem. My total apathy.

I no longer put on make-up, my hair is in knots and I’ve almost left the house in sweat pants. ALMOST. (I don’t believe in going into public wearing sweat pants, gumboots, slippers, most name brands or any kind of jersey material with writing on the bum or boobs).

I haven’t written in a few weeks and all I can think about is the spring that is supposed to be here right now. However my baby is happy and because of this I’m happy. I’m just suffering from a lack of interest in anything outside my house.

That’s going to change. I’m going on a vegan cleanse. Baby Boy and I are going to start taking lots of walks and I’m already planning my new garden. I will go out to have fun and start inviting people over to my home.

Also we (my man-child, actual child and I) will be going of a road trip to my hometown in British Columbia.

fun fun.

until tomorrow friends.

Pfft, Creepy Easter Bunnies and Zombie Jesus.

Hello! How was your Easter? Are you full of the brown stuff?(chocolate) Did you find all the little multicolored eggies?Or are there a few left over that will melt/stink up the place?

Like everyone else in the world I really don’t understand Easter but it’s a good excuse to eat a ton of candy and ham.

I did Easter this year, which is the first time since I was a child. My childhood family is a bit different so we never did the dinner or brunch.

However, when I was a kid I did get to hunt for eggs from time to time. I don’t think I ever found them all and when my mom would tell me I was missing a few eggs I would give up, sit down, start crying. This would make me question my hunting abilities and knock my confidence down a notch. (no wonder I have confidence issues). At least while I was crying I could eat yummy chocolate eggs (no wonder I have eating issues).

So as a gift for you and your families on this most wonderful, misunderstood, confusing and soul crushing of holidays I found my favorite creepy Easter bunny photo.

That poor kid!

On another note did you “get” someone with a rad April fools gag?

I did! I pretended that I was going to give my son his bottle then I pulled it away and yelled “APRIL FOOLS”!! He started to cry which made me feel super bad… so I cuddled the heck out of him and told him I was sorry over and over again.

Sooo Yeah.

I will be resuming my daily posts tomorrow!

Peace!

Hoarders

Currently I’m watching the show Hoardering Buried Alive. This shiz is crazy.

I love, love, love this show. Almost enough to become a hoarder so I can go on this show and act super crazy. My fave peeps that go on this show, are the crazy ones. Like this lady I’m watching right now, wants to keep her cockroaches. *barf*

and then she yells at her daughter when she (the daughter) is cleaning out the ten year old food from her gross ass fridge *double barf*and don’t forget the bug poop all over that house. And yet she keeps swearing up and down that she isn’t a hoarder.

The transformation that happens after all the hard work and gagging is amazing.

I know these people have real problems and I should feel bad for them, but, damn are they entertaining.  Besides, I’m four cats away from being a hoarder myself.

-with love,

this wanna be hoarder.

pinterest pass, paper on balls

Yesterday I promised some sweet paper ball action.

Its supposed to look along the lines of this…

I’m not sure if mine look as pretty, but I’m still stoked on my results,

I did two kinds of paper ballin’

for the scalloped looking ones I roughly followed the directions from here  and got the above results. For the poof-like one I kinda just winged it. I’m sure I have seen a million posts on Pinterest for puffy paper balls.

But just so you know this is what I did,

1. cut out 1 million paper circles out of tissue paper.
2. I stuck a pin through the center of two pieces of paper.
3. I stuck the pin into the Styrofoam ball.
4. Ruffle/mess it up so it looked cool.

I hate to say it, this time my verdict is: PASSABLE!!

Although it was very time consuming having to cut out a million paper circles. I think that the results are very pretty.

Warning:

Be gentle with the balls after you complete them. They will crumple or fall apart if you play catch with them. As I had to find out the hard way.

happy pinning pals!

In case you were wondering both baby and I feel grrrrrreat!

Tomorrow on the (s)lacking housewife: 3D stars

Weather Delays.

Hello all!

I’m sorry to inform you that my child is super sick with a clod… I mean cold. I got no sleep last night and neither did he. So for today I don’t think we can do the Pinterest Experiment. I know how much we where all looking forward to me pinning paper to balls, but, we’re going to have to stick a pin in that little gem. Have ya self’s a gooooood day!! We are going back to bed and tomorrow I’ll hook you up with some paper ball action!

Peace!

The (S)lacking Housewife.

A love letter to Hardisty

I live in a very small community, and I mean small. Around 500 people or so. Like I said before I come from larger communities. So I’m not used to the way things work around here. Everyone knows want you’re up too, what you are doing, what you have said, etc. In the end you always hear what people really think of you. Nothing is kept a secret. But what one town isn’t like that, I mean really.

Having  said that,

I love this place and the people who are here. I can honestly say that I like everyone I’ve met and feel lucky to be here. I didn’t expect to find such a gem of a town in the wilderness of rural Alberta.

When I was pregnant with R. we got so much support from this community. People who where basically strangers welcomed me to the community and gave us the most wonderful gifts. When the ice rink needed a new roof EVERYONE came together and got that sh*t fixed. Every hockey game you will see half the town freezing their butts off to root on their local team. When C. and his rad business partner opened their bar everyone came out to buy some drinks. They seriously have the coolest manager and staff. Also when people see something that they want to change for the better, they come together and they change it.

Although right now I’m so wrapped up in my own life and whats going on with my home and family I’m sure that come this summer I will out and about again. And I have to say sorry for being such a ignorant b*tch before. I honesty thought that because I was from “the city” I knew more than any one of these “rednecks” Oh boy was I wrong and have been proven wrong many times over.

Before I came here I had no sense of pride when is came to the place I lived. One year later I can say that I’m proud of where I live and I’m proud of the individuals around here. (Just don’t piss them off, ha ha!)

They except you for who you are and will give you a helping hand if ever you need it. That’s something you really will not get anywhere else.

If that isn’t cool I don’t know what is.

So to my Hardisty snoops that I’m sure read this blog, Thanks for making this idiot feel welcome and I really love the place we call home. Thank you!

To my other followers Thanks for reading.

Sweet hearts for a sweet heart

A quick little post before the weekend.

Our family friends have the cutest little girl and this weekend is her birthday party. Because I think she is just the sweetest of all sweet hearts. I made her some sugar cookies, while watching Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee. Such a good movie, I’m a nerd for kung fu. Don’t get me stared on
Legend Of The Drunken Master

But I digress,

The cookies have pink and purple royal icing with party sprinkles. You just can’t have a party without party sprinkles!. It took me 4 hours to finish (but I did take a nap).  I think these are super classic and somehow I didn’t ruin them all. However I did have to eat about 10 broken or defective cookies and of course check for poison. (I say that whenever I steal a bite of food, “don’t worry I’m checking your food for poison!”)

I tried doing the piping bag icing style but I made a mess, so in the end I used a bakers brush. Which is just a clean unused paint brush. I brush on the icing like I’m painting a oil canvas. Thick but no too think.

I’m pretty happy with the results.

royal icing recipe

sugar cookie recipe

I suck at a whole buncha things, but damn am I good at taking naps!

Have a good weekend friends! And make sure to check in on my Pinterest experiment on Monday!

PEACE OUT!

RuPauls Moosewood Cookbook.

 I’ve been binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. Which is nearly the worst/best show ever. While watching queens scratch, swear, fight and be sickeningly fierce I’ve been flipping through my Moosewood Cookbook.

Not only are Ru’s ladies Fab-u-lous but so is this cookbook. All Vegetarian hardy food. If you get a chance check this cookbook out. Its my go to for yummy meals. Tonight I will be making the Hummus. yum yum.

On another note, last week I promised a Pinterest challenge. I am planning on doing this experiment next week starting on Monday.

My schedule is as follows

Monday, Melted Crayon Art.

Tuesday, Balls with paper pinned to them

Wednesday, 3D Stars

Thursday, Glue Balloons.

Friday, Something like whatever this is.

So that’ll be fun! yeehaw!

IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME FUDGE SOMETHING UP LET ME KNOW!

sorry caps lock was on

Kisses!

What Does My Baby Do When I’m Working?

When I’m running around doing stuff what does my baby do?

Usually he’s attached to me via baby Bjorn or he sits in his high chair pretending to be evil Spock.

R’s alternate universe self. Knows as Olof